Who Are You Befriending?

Proceed with Caution!

What can I say about relationships? Well, I can say relationships are still difficult for many of us. There are many aspects as to why more relationships fail than succeed; however, if the constant denominator of one failing after another points back to you, then a change needs to be made in you not the people you previously had a relationship with.

It is hard for any of us to admit you are not perfect; so why do you expect someone else to be? I know because, I was a person who judged and criticized but would get offended when my spouse would do the same to me. So don’t point the finger at the other person when you are the instigator. Nope it’s not easy to take a good look at you, but it’s necessary! Start today and begin to take responsibility for you and you only. To say, “Well he/she was yelling too”; or “Well he/she hit me first”, or “He/she stayed out all night, so I did it so they know how it feels”, or my all time favorite, “Well he/she cheated first, so I did it too”!

Whoa! Stop, Sit down, and count backwards from 100! It’s a challenge most people will accept; however, you will hesitate, draw a blank at times, and skip some numbers. If you don’t believe me, try it now ~ and count fast, just like counting forward. I know you are asking what this has to do with relationships, if you watch people do this, the concentration is profound and they keep at it until they get it right! Aren’t you and a healthy marriage worth the determination to get it right too?

Most of your behavior and characteristics are subliminally taught at home that can hinder a healthy relationship, but it is not the determining factor. As mentioned, you have to take responsibility for your own actions and admit your faults. Once we become an adult, whatever you endured as a child or experienced, should not continue to dictate bad behavior in you. Forgiveness is healing and needs to be present so you can become whole and happy.  You might have had an abusive parent, a parent who is critical, loud and obnoxious, or who lives in fear of trying new things; more than likely you will adopt the behavior. Don’t get discouraged though because there is always hope and anyone can change, with God’s help, from Glory to Glory if they so desire!

The union or marriage will have problems, but the problem solver is God and He never loses a battle! He always has a simple solution to what we think is a huge problem; and He is the first step to a healthy and lasting relationship. 

Love is very patient and kind, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud, never haughty or selfish or rude. Love does not demand its own way. It is not irritable or touchy. It does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong. It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever truth wins out. If you love someone, you will be loyal to him no matter what the cost. You will always believe in him, always expect the best of him, and always stand your ground in defending him.

All the special gifts and powers from God will someday come to an end, but love goes on forever. I Corinthians 13:4-8 TLB

Yes! I Have Time!

"Here sweetheart, I'll put that book back, you go and play".

"Move out of the way, I'll clean up these toys. You go watch TV"!

"Get out of the way, I'll make the bed; you are not doing it right"!

I'll show you later how to make this meatloaf, I need to get it done and I can do it quicker. You'll just be in the way"!

When we do not educate our children at home and I'm not talking about book education, I'm talking about domestic and relationship education, we handicap our children. They grow up and develop a fear of cooking, a fear of mowing the grass, a fear of raising a child, a fear of cleaning, a fear of being accepted, or a fear of anything in life they should have learned at home. 

I know you are asking how is it fear, all they have to do is do it! It's not that easy, when they are not confident of how to do it. When we do not know how, we fear it. I don't know how to cook ~ Fear! I don't know how to mow the lawn ~ Fear! I don't know how to care for a baby ~ Fear! Because we as a parent also fear they are not going to do it right, we are telling our children you are not capable of doing it or another way to look at it is you are not willing to take the time to teach them. When you avoid the issue, you handicap your child for the necessary growth they need in life. 

You as a parent first have to develop patience, and time is on your side, so there is no hurry when it comes to establishing a relationship with your child. When you are in the kitchen with your daughter, even at a young age, you are developing a relationship with them. Father's when you are showing your son how to mow the lawn, you are developing a relationship with your son. They are not going to do it right the first time, SO WHAT, it doesn't make it wrong. The more anyone does something, the better they become and the more confident they become in doing it. Remember, you too were a student at one time in the book of life and without someone taking the time with you, you would not have learned it either. 

The idea of doing it for your child and not showing them "how to" is doing them a dis-service.

Proverbs 16:27~ Idle hands are the devil's workshop, idle lips are his mouthpiece, literally, "A worthless man devises mischief, and in his lips there is a scorching fire". https://www.biblegateway.com/

A 25 year research study by Marty Rossman of the University of Mississippi has proven that children as young as the age of 2 can be taught how to make their bed~ believe it or not I started my children at the age of 2 to make their bed. No it's not going to be done correct the first time, and do not do it over, because you will deplete their efforts. Truly make over how they made it and each time they get better. Please read this article at your earliest convenience at http://www.dailyrecord.com/story/life/family/2015/07/13/study-finds-kids-chores-good-thing/30097541/ and remember you are your child's caretaker and teacher also, so stop the nonsense of it takes too much time to teach them ~ you have nothing but time because in a short time they will be out of the house entering into adulthood and your time will not be your own if you don't. They will consume it even as an adult because they will constantly be at your doorstep demanding help! 

To everything there is a season, and a time for every matter or purpose under heaven:2 A time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to pluck up what is planted, 3  A time to kill and a time to heal, a time to break down and a time to build up, 4 A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, 5 A time to cast away stones and a time to gather stones together, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, 6 A time to get and a time to lose, a time to keep and a time to cast away, 7 A time to rend and a time to sew, a time to keep silence and a time to speak, 8 A time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 AMP

Finish Strong!

Beauty Starts Within!

I have vivid memories of my short-lived college semester at Indiana State University in 1979/80 school year (smile) of an experience that changed how I view others.

I lived on the fifth floor of a co-ed dorm and one day after class, me and my roommate arrived at the elevator at the same time. When the elevator came down to the first floor, a very tall young lady was already on there going up. My roommate looked at me and whispered, "Be careful of her she is really mean". So I asked her, "How do you know. Has she been mean to you"? She quickly said, "No, but other people have said so and she never smiles at anyone, she just gives them mean looks". So we got off on our floor and as we were getting off, I glanced back at her one more time. She noticed me looking at her and made eye contact; but with no emotion.

She was a very tall slim African American woman, probably about 6 ft or better. On the outside, she had a manly look about her (She reminded me of Sojourner Truth. If anyone knows the history, she was very tall and manly looking woman who is known for her speech on racial inequalities "Ain't I a Woman"? because back then of her height and facial features, they called her a man. However, history tells us that she was a very intelligent and kind woman). 

My actions showed how foolish I was until about 3 weeks after our first encounter, the elevator came down and she was the only one on there. I said, "Hi",  to her as I got on the elevator and she knew what floor I was going to and said in the most friendliest voice, "I pushed floor 5 for you". I thanked her and stood to the back of the elevator. Yep, I am thinking what you are thinking ~ They said she was mean. Well, well, well ~ not at all. We talked while we were riding to our floors.

The elevator came to my floor first and I was actually sad to get off because while we were talking, all of the fear, accusations, and negative view I had of her quickly subsided. She was kind, very intelligent, giving, and had a wonderful sense of humor. Without me saying anything, she mentioned that she knew everyone talked about her; whereas, she couldn't understand why because she does not bother anyone. She said in a soft voice, "I just stay to myself". My heart went out to her, because I could tell she was hurt by it and really wanted friends. On the way to my room, I told myself that I just met the most beautiful woman, whom I judged just like the others from her looks.

Sojourner Truth

When my roommate came in that evening, I told her, "The girl you said was mean, was on the elevator with me today". She gasped and asked if she talked to me. "Yes", I said, "and she is the sweetest girl I have ever met". Whether I convinced her that she was a kind girl or not, I was not going to treat her as though she was a monster, nor was I going to listen to hear say without the facts anymore. Because, I was just as guilty of slander as they were. Of course, out of spreading gossip more than feeling guilty in how she treated the young lady, my roommate told as many girls on campus as she could what was said.

The interesting thing is, I know God allowed that to happen for a reason; and thirty years later this story is being told to those who still look on the outer appearance and not the heart~ just like God told Samuel, when he went to Jesse's house to choose a king!

But the Lord said to Samuel, Look not on his appearance or at the height of his stature, for I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees; for man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart. I Samuel 16:7 AMP